When quiet reflection becomes maddening obsession

posted by Jeff | Monday, February 18, 2013, 11:20 PM | comments: 0

We were all sick this weekend. First it was Simon, then me, then Diana. I'm not feeling great tonight, but I think I'm going to do my best and get out of bed tomorrow and go to work.

One of the things about being sick that sucks the most is that you often don't feel up to doing much of anything. In those cases, you're left to think about pretty much everything. While my body may be unwilling, my mind doesn't turn off. To make it worse, fevers tend to make your brain do weird things. I've actually had hallucinations before, though thankfully it never got that bad this time around.

As you might imagine, my reflection focused a great deal on the awesome trip we just had, and how awesome my little family is. You know you've done well when you have a family that makes you happy in ways that you never even considered. Whether or not this has anything to do with the decisions I've made is hard to say, as there is certainly a large element of chance that I would meet Diana, but I suppose moving on from previous relationships of various depths were things that enabled the chance to meet Diana. I guess the point is that I deserve some amount of credit for making the life I have. It certainly wasn't all chance.

The passive entertainment we've been watching, in part to keep Simon entertained while we've been less than interactive, also forced the issue with other aspects of my life. One of the Blue Man Group DVD's special features has the founders talking about following your bliss, a recurring theme in their art. Watching Downton Abbey (without Simon), you see that Tom has gone from revolutionary to part of the establishment, and he struggles to find his identity. And of course my friends on Facebook never stop reminding me of how awesome the PNW is. The feelings invoked by these things are also due to my own decisions.

When you've got nothing else to do, you can imagine that these trains of thought are enough to drive you mad. Without the normal things in daily life occupying your time, reflection turns to obsession.

Feeling slightly more human tonight, at least I can declare that the most important parts are already spoken for, and are excellent. For everything in life that isn't ideal, I can't deny that the enthusiastic greetings of a little boy and kiss of a loving wife when I get home from work are the good stuff. I need to use that strong foundation to figure out the rest.


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