I had two seemingly unrelated conversations the last two days that cause me to scratch my head and look at how I approach life more critically.
The first was with a soon-to-be co-worker who mentioned that he used to write poetry all of the time when he was younger. I wondered privately why he didn't do it anymore. In fact, I can think of all kinds of things that people who are middle-aged don't do anymore. Why? Is abandonment of creative and idealistic ventures part of growing up?
Later that day, I was chatting with a younger friend about dating. There's a guy who is interested in her that is a bit older, six or seven years I think, and her arguments for not dating him surround issues of child rearing and retirement timelines. She insisted she didn't want to date anyone who wasn't marriage material because she knows what she wants. I thought I did too when I was early 20-something, but it took until my divorce, lots of dating and failures, to understand what I really wanted, and accept that what I want would change.
So we have two contrasting stories. Someone just into true adulthood who has a rigid definition of how life is supposed to be, and someone middle-aged who has abandoned what life should be. How completely strange is that? It would seem to me that when we're younger we should be open to possibilities, and when we're older, we should hang on to the things that enable those possibilities.
I don't think it's abandonment, per se. I think as we age our priorities change as life gets busier and responsibilities change. Although I still tried to continue with my creative outlet (my artwork) I found I either didn't have the time or was just too tired and not feeling creative at all when I did have the time. But I haven't abandoned that creative part of me. It's just moved in a different direction.
I had this conversation with Donna a while back when she wondered why her mom stopped doing artwork. Of course, her mom is raising 4 children and dealing with domestic issues.
As for the younger friend, I'm sure she'll learn as time goes on that relationship priorities change too. It's going to take more than one broken relationship to figure out what she really needs in a relationship.
Interesting observations, but just two examples hardly support a premise. Looking at the broad range of people that I know, I find the final line of your post to be very much the case for most and for many of those "older" folks I find they even remain open to yet greater possibilities.