I can't remember the exact context, but I was reading a social media post from someone who advocates for mental health. They mentioned the effect that autism and ADHD had on some everyday life thing. Not two comments in, some rando was like, "Why do you have to talk about your autism so much?" My first instinct was to feel self-conscious, because I do this, but then it just kind of pissed me off. So let me explore that a little.
I've told my story many times, but the short version is that once Simon was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3, every day I felt like I was seeing a reflection of my younger self. He's not exactly like me, but if my life was a movie, he'd be a remake of it with a different director's sensibilities. Finally, when he was 11, I went through the formal diagnosis process to find out, or really just confirm, that I was in the same boat. It turned out that ADHD was in there, too.
Knowing for sure was a big deal. I've been able to look at my entire life differently because of it. I could suddenly put social struggles, school habits, work outcomes, food, hobbies, etc., in a totally new context that made sense. Naturally, it opened up a can of new therapy topics, sure, but there were so many things that I attributed to character flaws or poor choices. Autism is not a choice. ADHD is not a choice.
More importantly, these are not conditions that go away. While the contextual shift of history is valuable, it might be even more valuable to know and have self-awareness going forward. It's crazy how many things in any given day go right over my head because I don't see certain social cues or I can't logically reconcile a scenario in a way that I can meaningfully react to it. I can recognize that sometimes the fatigue that I feel can be attributed to all of the coping skills I've developed to compensate for my own neurodiversity.
So why do I talk about it? Why would I not? For most of my life, there has been a cultural and societal expectation that we're all the same and start on equal footing (which was already absurd given all of the racism, misogyny and such). This just isn't true. To be clear, I don't think that people with autism are broken, or as I've seen it described, "Suffer from autism." That's nonsense. But the reality is that there are infinite variations in the way we cognitively function. We must stop pretending that our brains are all the same.
I'm gonna be all up in your grill about the ways that I'm different, because if I do, maybe you'll understand me the way that I want to understand you. I get neurotypical behavior, because I've spent my whole life trying to emulate it. Do me a favor, and take a moment to allow me to explain my wiring. Let me further explain why people like me aren't like me at all. The truth is that autism and ADHD have allowed me to do things that you can't, and I'm not going to apologize for it, or pretend that I don't simultaneously struggle with other things that come easy to you. I didn't ask for this, and while I hesitate to say it's a part of my identity, it's part of the package regardless.
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