Archive: September, 2025

A right-wing activist, Charlie Kirk, 31, was killed today by a gun shot from afar, while speaking at a campus event in Utah. I had never heard of the guy before today. I assume that this was a politically motivated killing, which is sad and frankly another low point in our recent history. He has said some pretty vile things, but I don't think that anyone should have to die because of what they believe.

I think it's reasonable that there is a lot of concern about this killing, but in context, there's an awful lot that's troubling about the response as well. To start with, there was yet another school shooting today in Colorado, though for the moment it does not appear that anyone died because of it. But there have been seven mass shootings just in the last week, with four dead, two of them in Texas. (I bring that up because, incorrectly, this is often attributed as a "blue state" problem.) It's not like gun violence is new to our country. Why are those events not something we culturally show widespread concern about, but jump at this other senseless death of one person?

And if we want to be specific about political violence, isn't unleashing militarized forces on cities political? What about the insurrection at the Capitol? The killing of George Floyd? White supremacists driving cars through crowds?

One of the things that I struggle to teach as a parent is the concept of cause and effect, that actions can have consequences. Trump had two assassination attempts on his life last year, but do you think that anything he's ever said might have something to do with that? Has he said hateful things toward people, or tried to oppress people? (The answer is yes to both.) I'm not saying that he or Kirk should be hurt for what they say. Quite the opposite, actually. I think they should be held accountable for being hateful. In a polite society, which of the following would be OK to say without consequence? These are Kirk quotes.

• "I think empathy is a made up New Age term that does a lot of damage."
• "Going high when they go low is what got us in this mess. It's time to start hitting back."
• "Jewish communities have been pushing the exact kind of hatred against whites that they claim to want people to stop using against them."
• "We tried to reconfigure society to accommodate and pander to a hypervocal minority that itself will never actually be happy regardless of how many changes we make for the alphabet mafia [a reference to the LGBTQ community], it’s never going to be enough."
• "Just because you’re a white person does not mean you have to begin apologizing simply for how God made you."

The head of his org's University of Missouri chapter said, "If They Would Have Killed 4 More Niggers We Would Have Had the Whole Week Off [sic]." Kirk didn't say it, but he didn't dispute it either. There are countless examples of campus subsidiaries of his organization saying things like that, never disavowed by Kirk. He's also a guy who has repeatedly asserted that the 2020 election was "stolen" without evidence. He was one of the voices saying that hydroxychloroquine was a cure for Covid, too. To suggest that his hands are not clean of violence is naive, to say the least.

Violence begets violence. That's not a theory, it's a historical fact. When you attempt to oppress people, it doesn't end well for the oppressors. This too is historically backed. But in just a few short hours, there are people raising this guy almost to martyr status. Why?

Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr. were killed for their beliefs as well. What's important to look at though is what they stood for. Those great men believed deeply in the idea that all men are created equal. Nothing that Kirk said upheld those beliefs, and generally advocated for the very opposite. It is not appropriate to draw a moral equivalence here. Again, I don't think he should have been killed, but to raise him to that same level of human being is not logical. History will not recall him as a patriot or defender of humankind.

Do I need to even point out that political violence, sedition, insurrection and massive protests were not a thing from 2008 to 2016?

Next month I have to choose a renewal term for the reserved resource instances that CoasterBuzz and PointBuzz run on. For that part of the expense, I can save about 55% per month if I commit to three years. A year ago, I committed to one year for 35% off, but that was after updating from the basic tier to the premium tier, which was necessary because of the increased load. In any case, the three-year scenario reduces cost by about $62 per month, or $744 a year. It also gets me back in line with what I was paying for the basic tier, which has less memory. And all of it is cheaper than when it was on Windows instead of Linux, which I switched a few years ago.

Both sites saw an increase in traffic overall last year, and I was starting to have intermittent memory issues, which is why I scaled up to the bigger instance and one-year commitment. My total costs are about $300 per month, and if I do the three-year, it'll be closer to $260. People say, "But you can get a site for [this much] with [some service]." They're not wrong, but given my line of work, and the fact that there are I think 16 different sites/apps running, making all of that robust isn't free. Everything is redundant and resilient, there's caching, there are off-app background jobs, an Elastic index for search, etc. Being cloud-based, I can scale all the parts up as needed without redeploying anything, too. And I'm pretty proud of the fact that average response times are under 20ms.

Believe it or not, there was a time when ad revenue (and club memberships) grossed as much as $2,000 per month, and with way less traffic (that's about $3,300 in today's dollars). Those were the days! That's why I didn't bother working consistently in 2004 and 2005, and wrote a programming book and did some volleyball coaching in that time. Because of the Google ad monopoly, there is no real competition, and there are more sites than ads that can be shown. The economics completely suck now for independent publishers. Video is probably worse, because it's also Google (YouTube), a single platform that won't even write you a check without a certain threshold of subscribers and watch time, meaning that there's an enormous long-tail of people posting their stuff while Google keeps the money.

Prior to the pandemic, for a decade, ad revenue varied seasonally, but generally fell between $500 and $900 each month, which was more than enough to cover the costs. Then 2020 hit, and it took a momentary dump, before recovering later in the year. 2022 came down though, in half, with a range of $250 to $450, then 2023 went down to $180 to $380. 2024 recovered a little, but then this year hasn't even hit $300. And keep in mind, my PointBuzz partner Walt gets half of the PB share. And this is while CB page views are up an insane 77% this year, though I don't know how much of that is robots, because the analytics also say that users are up 400%. PB page views are down about a third, but I don't really trust Google with any of these numbers. So it's a pretty sad state of affairs these days.

So with the upcoming renewal, and just being in midlife, the question popped into my head... how much longer do I do this? I started PB (then Guide to The Point) in 1998, and CB in 2000, so I've been doing this for a very, very long time. A number of regulars to the sites have died over the years. I went to a wedding some years ago where we realized that many of us met because of the sites. We did a few hundred podcast episodes before it was cool. I interviewed CEO's and industry legends. I went to a ton of media events. I've made so many friends, scattered about the country. We had a ton of events back in the day. I hosted other coaster sites for free for awhile. By most measures, the best days are behind us.

Then fold in the fact that I'm just not into any of it the way that I used to be. I don't want to use working at SeaWorld as an inflection point, because it's too close in time to the life reboot with a new-ish child and marriage. Priorities changed quite a bit. I live next door to arguably the best theme parks in the world, and mostly go to them to eat and drink. Industry consolidation hasn't been great for quality (see: Six Flags/Cedar Fair). Honestly there aren't many rides that are truly unique, and those that are (Guardians, Velocicoaster, Hagrid's) are here. The idea of traveling for the purpose of riding does not appeal to me, not when I can go places and see historic things. When I engage on the sites, it's mostly about the business of the industry, and sometimes about technology. A lot of the site regulars are in the same boat.

With all of that said, it's not that all of this doesn't serve me. Maintaining the forum app is something that I enjoy, even though there are fewer and fewer things I feel like I need to do with it. Without a "real world" application for it, I probably wouldn't maintain it. All of that infrastructure, which has a ton of available overhead, can also host whatever stuff I want to mess around with, at no additional cost. My personal music cloud runs on it. This blog runs on it, too. In a way, I'm subsidizing an Internet technology playground for myself. That is valuable to me. I don't mind sticking with it for a few more years. I'm also too stubborn to cede yet another community (or two) to the platforms. The audience that sticks around finds value in it, and prefers it to the platforms. I'm not exactly sticking it to Zuck, but it's something.

In my talk about lighting programming at the software level last year, I mentioned how my earliest interest as a teenager came from a specific light fixture model, the Vari-Lite VL2, that I saw in all of the music videos at the time. There was something really iconic about that blocky moving light. I went to some shows in the years following that used them, as moving lights became more and more ubiquitous at rock shows. It's funny that, for me, this thing that was intended to make light, but the object itself had a textural visual appeal to me. Other kids were aroused by cars, but lighting instruments did it for me.

This sentiment is still prevalent in the way that I'm wired. For example, I'm enamored by the patterns and designs found all over the newer part of the Coronado Springs resort, where we stayed in July. The textures are everywhere in the tower building. Look at this wall of lamps in the lobby, not just in the way that they're arranged, but in the texture on the lamps themselves.

I can't explain why it appeals to me so much, I just know that I dig it. Middle Eastern tile work also elicits a similar response from me. It's a subtle but peculiar feeling in my head that is some form of joy, but it's hard to explain. There are other ways that we respond to visual stimuli, like the way an attractive person may cause arousal, but that's easier to explain because it's rooted in our instinctive drive for procreation. I don't know what purpose this serves for us.

Here's an even weirder one. There's something satisfying about road cases. You know, the things that they pack equipment in so it doesn't get damaged when it moves from one venue to the next. I own a case like this.

The elegant simplicity of road cases appeals to me. The spring-loaded handles stay flush and don't stick out until you need them. The twist locks... those sure are a brilliant mechanism. Opening and closing them is satisfying. You don't even take the equipment out of the bottom of the case, it just sits on it so that you never actually pick up and move the equipment directly. And how cool are rivets?

And it's not just simplicity or patterns that appeal to me. A properly rigged camera location looks like chaos, but the thing that ends up on the screen looks precise and controlled.

Lights are all over the place (you can't see the one lighting the barrels), wires and cables go everywhere, fabric and reflectors are hanging around to shape the light, and the camera itself usually has a bunch of stuff that looks sloppily connected to it. I can't explain why that's amazing. I was recently in a theatrical venue with all of the work lights on, and I was borderline over-stimulated by all of the things that I could see.

I don't know if "visual texture" is a thing, but I know that I like to see it.

I think that I'm starting to see that too much of my contentment is wrapped up in excitement for the promise of things in the future. I'm not saying that you shouldn't look forward to things, but it's possible for that focus to swing too far in that direction. It pushes out the ability to appreciate the moment. And what's happening now is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

It's a hard adjustment to make. I know that I'm capable of being present, and sometimes it comes to me in the simplest ways. Sitting next to Diana watching TV, or interacting with one of the cats. My various bits of equipment may not always lead to finished product, but sometimes just touching it, and marveling at what it does, is enjoyable. Sometimes, even sitting outside with my lunch, alone, taking in the blue sky, can make me smile. I don't need to be on vacation to be content (though it sure helps).

Exploring this idea, about feeling content in the moment, also reinforces my theory that "will power" is generally bullshit. People like what they like to do. No amount of mind games with yourself will change that. It's not natural to force yourself to do things that you don't want to do, and it doesn't make you a better person for trying. Stop holding yourself to that standard, because it's not your standard. When it comes to contentment, sure, grownups have to do things they don't want to do, but get that done and get back to the things that make you content right now. You don't get a cookie for acting like you enjoyed doing something that sucks.

Despite running roller coaster fan sites for a very long time, believe it or not, I was apprehensive about riding coasters until I was 13-ish. Even then, I think there was sort of a psychological barrier that I still don't understand. Like when Magnum opened at Cedar Point (I was 15), it really, really made me nervous. But in my mid-20's, when I started the sites and realized I was an adult who could buy season passes, there was excitement about new rides, but no hint of apprehension. When Millennium Force opened in 2000, I was 26, and watched the construction so closely that I had modeled the entire ride experience in my mind. It was so detailed that my first ride went exactly as I expected it to go. What a strange brain I have.

Fast forward a couple of decades, and now my 15-year-old is starting to ramp up. He's actually fairly obsessed with the rides and technology, playing with operations simulations online, and 3D representations in NoLimits. But it has been a struggle to get him on certain rides. When he was much smaller, he would enthusiastically get on Tower of Terror, but now he would rather not. He's never been on Rock-n-Rollercoaster right next to it, either. And for all of the times we've been to SeaWorld, I couldn't get him on Mako, which in my opinion is the second best coaster in town (behind Guardians, of course).

But yesterday, finally, while visiting SeaWorld with a friend, Simon did Mako. Twice. Obviously after the first time, he realized that it was something to enjoy, not fear, but I resisted telling him "I told you so." When I picked him up, he said that he doesn't think he could do Millennium Force because those lap bars don't seem adequate. I explained to him that after 25 years and millions and millions of rides, no one has fallen out yet... why does he think he would be the first? "That's fair," he said (he says that a lot lately).

We've talked about quite a few rides out in the world that he thinks look interesting, but didn't really want to go on. I've told him that I would be happy to take trips to see some in real life, but he's gotta commit to actually riding stuff. I'm not sure if we're there yet, but it's encouraging. On the flip side, it makes me think back to the trips I took in the oughts to a ton of parks, and I can't say that I'm excited about the idea. There are a lot of reasons, including flying (the process, not the act of aviation), lines, weather and such. Toward the close of that decade, I started to lose interest in all of the travel-for-coasters because really the experiences aren't different enough to merit the voyage. And I say that knowing that there are a few parks I could probably ask for comps and my friends would graciously provide them. Also, and Simon expressed the same frustration yesterday, we're so used to the operational level of Disney that anything less feels annoying.

Still, there are a few parks that I think I would really like him to see in real life. I'm realizing that this window is closing quickly as he races toward adulthood.

Wednesday night, we saw Garbage at Hard Rock Live here at Universal Orlando. I am not sure of my math, but it was the eighth or ninth time that I've seen them live. It might have been the last.

I first saw the band on November 17, 1995, at Peabody's Down Under in The Flats in Cleveland, which according to their book, is only the 12th show they had ever played. The story goes that the band was conceived more as a studio project by the boys, but the record label insisted that they tour. I remember young Shirley Manson pacing around on the stage, something that she still does, but at that time she seemed timid and uncertain. She's talked about that in countless interviews since, about the way she was constantly being judged (along with every other woman in rock at the time), but she has long since run out of fucks. I think that's one of the reasons that the band endures.

Thirty years is a long time to be doing anything. The boys are all over 60, and Shirley is almost 60 with two hip replacements. Mind you, none of that is evident when you see them on stage, and they are more fierce and tight than ever. The lady up front is also singing better than ever. Still, she announced that after this tour, because of the shitty state of the music industry, this is probably their last headlining tour. More vaguely, she suggested that this was the end of... something. It's not clear if that meant performing, writing, recording or all of the above. I've since read that in the VIP Q&A they did earlier that day, one of them did suggest that they will probably not stop writing, but have no specific plans. This is why you buy albums from your favorite artists, and don't keep giving money to Spotify.

I remember hearing "Supervixen," the first song on their debut, a few months after I graduated from college, but I'm not sure where. It was not officially a single. But then I saw this video on MTV (yes, the "M" used to stand for music!) for "Only Happy When It Rains." There was this redhead with a ton of eye makeup in this blue dress and shit-kickers, and I though, "Who is this?!" My first wife, Stephanie, was still in school down in Ashland, and I remember that we brought some of her friends up to that first show. I think I took a little joy in having a bunch of college hotties meet at my house, where I hadn't moved out yet, wearing fishnets and club gear. I did not take joy in the fact that my car was leaking coolant into the passenger foot well, but my new friend was a good sport about it. Ah, to be a poor recent college graduate.

The videos for "Stupid Girl" (the chevron dress) and "Milk" (Shirley standing in the wind?) also stick out in my mind. The albums came three or four years apart after that, and I saw them on every tour, including them opening for Smashing Pumpkins in arenas. Bleed Like Me coincided with my separation, and the title track I recall felt like a reminder that everyone is going through their shit. Shirley was in a state of self-loathing, and the band wasn't getting along, and that's when they went on their hiatus. It would be seven years until Not Your Kind of People came out. In that time, I had moved coast to coast and back, remarried and had a child.

Of the post-hiatus albums, it was the sixth album over all, Strange Little Birds, that I like the most. It was noisy and weird relative to what I was used to, but still definitely Garbage. The last song on that one, "Amends," might be one of their best songs ever, to me at least. I mean, listen to it. It builds up, takes a break, builds up again and ends on this solo vocal that just hurts. And lyrically, I think it's actually kind of optimistic, the idea that you can reconcile parts of your life and move on. To me, this is the quintessential Garbage song. It uses all of their muscles. Oh, and this was during Shirley's pink hair phase, which I thought was pretty cool.

The last two albums are just OK. A few tracks on each stand out, but the albums struggle to compete for an unusual wave of great albums in the last few years. The lyrics in some of the songs are overtly political, instead of more "poetically political," like earlier work. Following the social media accounts of the band, which I think are mostly maintained by Shirley, it's not really surprising, because she is deeply frustrated with the world, something she referred to several times during this week's show.

It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that my entire post-college life has had Garbage in it. Other than Tears For Fears, who is also still making (really great) music, I can't imagine ever going to see anyone I listened to in high school. The only pre-2000 bands that I've seen after 2000 are Toad The Wet Sprocket (Epcot), Everclear (Epcot) and indirectly, Alanis through her musical (would like to see her though). The only thing that consistent in my life that I can think of is running the web sites, for 27 years.

The set list for this show had a lot of deep cuts, and it included 21 songs over almost two hours. I hadn't heard many of those songs live ever, and according to setlist.fm, three of the songs made their live debut at this show, the first on the tour. Only two from Little Birds, but that's two more than the last time I saw them in 2022 with Tears For Fears. I loved hearing "Not My Idea" and "Why Do You Love Me" because of their pronounced guitar bits. Some of the happier songs made it too, like "Parade," "Cherry Lips" and "When I Grow Up," which was Shirley's call to make your life extraordinary, and their last song.

I also deeply appreciated the lighting design, in part because I have a dotted line in my lighting journey to the designer. Almost three years ago, I pinged @gigilights on the 'Gram, because I learned that she had done quite a bit of work with the band. I asked the possibly ridiculous question, "Where do I start?" if I want to learn about design and programming. She referred me to MA Lighting's products, and after a year of experimentation and a very long wait for the German company to make more, I bought my very own console in April of last year. I haven't done as much as I'd like, as I also took a turn into CAD drawing lighting rigs in Vectorworks, but I really enjoy trying to figure out how to make lights do stuff.

I'm not sure what happens next to Butch, Steve, Duke and Shirley next, but their music produced a huge body of feels for me. I'm two decades-ish behind most of them in age (Duke is 74!), and it's encouraging to see people that age being so vital. Middle age seems less scary that way. Kinda like they made being alone during my "in between" days less scary. Whatever they do or don't do, they've had an extraordinary relationship with us fans.